The Real Reason You’re Still Stuck (and How to Fix It)

Today I want to tag onto a post I wrote back in March for my reader blog, DebraLButterfield.com, about expectations. I stated, “What we expect, we look for. Which means, we will see the bad we expect rather than the good we want” (or vice versa).

Expectations have been a lifetime battle for me. Somewhere in my childhood I learned not to expect the things I wanted. In my adulthood that carried over to “Why try? What I do isn’t going to make any difference anyway.”

That expectation/thought has given me that result. But I wanted change, so I stopped to take stock. I listed everything I had accomplished in the last 20 years. The list surprised me, yet, my subconscious would have me think otherwise. That’s the power of the programming we’ve grown up with—our paradigm.

Bob Proctor states in his book Change Your Paradigm, Change Your Life (affiliate link) that “A paradigm is a multitude of ideas that are fixed in our subconscious minds. Ideas that are fixed in our subconscious mind are known as habits. A paradigm is a multitude of habits that are fixed in our subconscious mind. A habit is an idea that expresses itself without any conscious thought; you just automatically move.”

I knew I had to change my paradigm.

I started a list of affirmations I say and write every day. These statements help me

• renew my mind (reprogram my paradigm) to the truth
• keep me focused on what I want rather than what I don’t want
• set my expectations—the good I want.

I started that list on Aug. 25. At first, I didn’t notice any difference. But I’m working to undo 69 years of programming! That doesn’t happen overnight, as much as we’d like it to. Wouldn’t it be nice to simply upload new Java script and immediately start living from that?

But we humans don’t work that way. We need constant spaced repetition to learn (remember repeating those addition and times tables in math class?), and that’s what it takes to reprogram our subconscious.

As I write this, it’s been 65 days since I started my affirmation list. I anticipated big changes after 30 days, but didn’t notice any. On day 46, I made a huge leap in mindset. And on day 65 another huge leap. My paradigm is changing! I get more and more excited about my business and personal life every day. And I expect the good I desire to happen.

I pair those affirmations with positive emotion and a vision board that depicts what I want my life to be. I keep this vision active all day long as I take action to move forward.

What’s This Got to Do with You?

You’re wondering, how does all this apply to you because you’re not in business for yourself? (Be sure to read “If You’re an Author, Are You a Business Owner?”)

Do you have personal goals? Who doesn’t?

An example everyone can understand is that of losing weight. Throughout the day you visualize yourself at the weight you desire. But you also set a specific objective: lose 20 lbs. this year. Then you break that down into specific results that will tell you are achieving that objective: I lost 6 lbs this month, I exercised 5 times/wk this month, I cut sugar out of my diet.

You do great for the first month, but then maybe a birthday celebration comes along, or you get sick, and the next thing you know, you’ve gained back all the weight you’d lost and some extra.

That’s because your subconscious doesn’t like change, and deceives you back into your old paradigm.

If you’re stuck reaching your goals and seem to deal with the same problem(s) over and over, you might blame

• Someone else
• A voice in your head that keeps taunting you with “what if you make a mistake?”
• Your own negative self-talk or
• Question whether this is the path God has for you.

But at the root of it all is your paradigm.

How Do I Change It?

Change starts with the decision to make change. Be sure to listen to last week’s podcast “Make That Decision—or Stay Stuck.”

There might be a bazillion things in your life you want to change.

Pick one.

And make it the one that will have the greatest impact on all the others, but also be sure you are committed to it, that you are all-in on making that change. Be obsessed with it. Because if you aren’t, the first excuse that comes along will derail you.

Determine what you really want to be, do, and have in your life.

That gives you direction.

From there, create a vision for your life and write it down.

I have a whole page written of what I want my life to be. I keep the two basic ones written on an index card that I read throughout the day.

Do what you can to surround yourself with like-minded people.

Consider using affirmations.

Affirmations don’t work for everybody, so it might take some trial and error to find that constant spaced repetition you need.

Monitor your self-talk.

Negative self-talk will undo everything positive you’re working toward.

Persevere.

As I said, it doesn’t happen overnight.

Resources I recommend for help with this:

Change Your Paradigm, Change Your Life (affiliate link) available in paperback, hardcover, audio, and kindle.
The Successful Mind podcast by David Neagle. https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/zgw5m-29604f/The-Successful-Mind-Podcast